Lisa: Howdy freaks! Today is your lucky day, because you get to read Mary's wonderfully inflated description of me! Try to remember that I'm actually even cooler in person!
Mary: Lisa is my younger sister who was my chief cohort in childhood when it came to toys, games, movies, and, especially, clothes after Anna had outgrown them. But even though we did a lot of the same things together and had a communal wardrobe, Lisa was and is very different from me in a lot of fantastic ways. First, Lisa is one tough cookie. Not only did she routinely beat boys twice her age at arm-wrestling growing up, but she also did things like run in cross country, sometimes while having a broken hip. You can also see her toughness in the way she tackles things head-on and accomplishes the heck out of them. She is not a procrastinator and is the kind of person who has to edit her 15-page paper down to be only 10 pages. (I should mention here that she’s also a genius).
At the same time, though, Lisa is also one of the most fun and goofy people I’ve ever met. She is a crazy dancer at weddings, is always down to explore junky tourist traps, and has sported eyeliner facial hair to portray men in lip-sync videos a few times more than the average person has. She has tons of really good friends and is always planning lots of “scheduled fun” with them.
The best news for you readers, though, is that Lisa is also a brilliant and hilarious writer, as can be witnessed from her previous blogs detailing her time in England and China. You can be sure that she will work her hardest to write entries that will not only make you think but also make you laugh out loud. Warning (definitely not based on personal experience): Do not read her blogs in a library.
Rejected Blog Names
Lisa: Here are the names I fought for, and lost. If you like these the best, please send me secret messages to affirm me, and then we can form alliances against Mary and Anna.
Sentimental Hogwash/The Shmaltz Family
Here is probably the number one thing you need to know about my family: we quote like it’s a disease. Our references include: movies/TV shows/dumb internet videos/elementary school musicals/hilarious things we said one time ten years ago. Both of these titles are references, “Sentimental hogwash!” is from It’s a Wonderful Life, and “What are we, the schmaltz family?” is from Father of the Bride. Our brother recently got married, and the whole week leading up to the wedding, whenever we were discussing anything borderline emotional, one of our brothers would yell “SENTIMENTAL HOGWASH!” in true Mr. Potter fashion.
The point of this name is to illustrate that we are a heartless, cold, calculating family, bereft of human emotion, much like the Malfoys. Just kidding. The point is that we are of German heritage (mostly blonde…maybe we ARE the Malfoys?!?!), and good at repressing emotion, and are still in some cases learning to be OK with schmaltz. While it is difficult to be vulnerable, this blog is a place for us to be real and for you to hopefully be encouraged by that.
Fat Heads and Skinny Hearts
The first reason to love this name is the word “fathead.” The second reason is that it’s based on the following inspirational P.G. Wodehouse quote: “If you haven’t realised by this time that I love you, and always shall love you, and have never loved anybody else, and never shall love anybody else, you’re a fathead" (Summer Lightning). God has told me roughly 10,000 that he loves me, but I have trouble believing it. Thus, I am a fathead, and my heart is skinny and empty because it won’t accept his love. Maybe you have trouble with this too. Let’s not be fatheads anymore! Let’s join together to fight against the forces of fatheadedness!! WHO’S WITH ME? (Euphorically rising music.)