(The picture is obviously the cover of my upcoming book. It may look familiar, because I use that headshot for literally everything. And I do mean literally, ya grammar snobs. Bios, profiles, wallpaper, someone to talk to when I get lonely etc. etc. That is neither here nor there. Let us discuss the meat of this book.)
Here is my absolutely fail-proof guide to a happy career: Do something you really hate, and then everything else will seem unbelievably fantastic by comparison.
I have taken this tried-and-true principle and broken it down into a pithy little list of easy-to-follow steps . To make sure it goes viral, I have added gifs whenever appropriate, which is to say, always.
Guaranteed eternal career bliss or you can punch me in the face at your earliest convenience, assuming my face does not have other pressing appointments.
1. Major in business, because it seems like a good idea.
And not even because you’re all about dat cash, but because hey, it’s a good combination of writing and math and people, and you can’ t make a decision on your best day, so compromise, baby.
2. Increasingly grow to hate the study of business.
This is not difficult.
3. Go through bi-annual crises where your hatred of business washes over you anew, and end up crying on your family room carpet during Christmas break in utter despair when your father innocently asks you what you would like to major in instead.
If you can’t relate to this, your life is too together. And you will never enjoy intimate carpet knowledge.
4. Graduate with a business degree, because what else are you going to do, life is pointless anyway.
5. Hit the depths of despair after graduation when you have no idea what you’re doing and wallow in others’ perceived judgment of you, even though they probably don’t care, because like, they have lives and stuff.
6. Go teach English in China for a year because why not? And you are a cliché, but a happy cliché.
7. Realize all you have ever loved is research and writing, so maybe journalism is a good guess. But what do you know? You thought business was a good idea.
8. Apply for grad school for journalism, because, (belated) duh.
(Incidentally, this gif also captures how much of an impostor I am in the journalism world.)
9. Get to take writing classes and realize that (in comparison to business) this is the BEST THING EVER AND I CAN FORESEE NO SITUATION WHERE I WOULD HAVE TO CARE ABOUT BUDGETING FOR AN HR DEPARTMENT.
10. Stay sweet, my friends.
Lisa Speckhard is extremely awesome and successful at everything she does, but fortunately also delightfully quirky, which makes her relate-able. Please pre-order her book, or just send envelopes stuffed with cash, preferably 20s. Let's not be cheap please. Thank you.