Here’s the lesson I’m learning this week/my entire life:
YOU NEVER KNOW.
Early this week, I was struggling with being a big ole crankypants. (I know this is difficult for you to imagine.) It got to the point that some good feedback about one of my articles was getting me down, because I felt my future articles wouldn’t live up to these high standards. Everyone would be all, “Well, we thought she could write…”
I wasn’t content; I was comparing my life to others and coming up short. To sum up: I was the worst.
I told myself that even though the future looked dark and bleak and despairing (dramatic much?), I could not actually foresee that future. There have been plenty of times, I told me, that I thought I could see impending doom and then things didn’t turn out to be so bad.
Cranky Lisa scoffed.
And then behold! On Wednesday, I received several emails with happy tidings that one by one put to death those less-than-chipper doubts. It was a gift from God. Probably he was sick of one too many whiny prayers. (Just kidding. If he couldn’t put up with that, he’d have stopped listening to me a lonnnnnnnnnng time ago.)
But it just served to remind me: YOU NEVER KNOW what’s coming.
Another, related lesson, is that YOU RARELY KNOW what you want.
I’m not talking about indecisiveness here, although Lord knows I struggle with that. I mean when you THINK you know what you want. You compare your life to someone else’s, or two options, and say “I want THAT one.” Sometimes, you may even have statistics and examples to back you up. But it is all bologna! Bologna I say!
There have been so many times in my life I have been SURE that some option would be better for me, only to wait a few months and find out that I was dead wrong. For example, I am TA-ing this semester. Ask me what I’m TA-ing. That’s right, political theory, from a girl who has not taken a political science class since high school. I have no idea how this happened, but it comes with tuition remission, so I’m rolling with it.
Anyway, some of my friends in my department also got TA-ships in the political science department, and one of them got Introduction to Political Science. Meanwhile, I was looking at my theory class and thinking “Theory?? Me???? Why????”
But I love my class. I love my students. My professor is chill and my fellow TAs are really helpful. I’m GLAD I’m TA-ing political theory. It’s even interesting! Who knew? (Anna. Anna knew. She tried to tell me. But she is a political science nerd, so I didn’t feel I could trust her with this.)
But even if things DON’T turn out all nice and neat, that’s still no reason to turn to crankypants!
The fact is, even though I don’t know what I want or what the future holds, God does. And he is controlling everything for his glory and my ultimate good.
Here’s a little tid-bit from my devotional: “Don’t be discouraged today. You can leave your “what-if”s and “if-onlys” in the hands of the one who loves you and rules all things.”
So join me in ditching the “what-if”s, the “if-onlys” and, yes, even the crankypants.