In a world ruled by Starbucks, I have long been a staunch opponent of coffee. We don't form a very tough opposition; it's mostly me and some Latter Day Saints.
People don't think it will last. “Oh, wait til you get to college/the real world/grad school,” they predict, smiling condescendingly, as I have not yet reached The Great Coffee Enlightenment, “THEN you’ll like coffee.”
Guess what? I'm still a big ole unenlightened coffee ignoramus.
You know this part in Parks and Rec?
This is how I feel about coffee. It keeps you awake, but at what cost? A million dollars, if you frequent Starbucks, but I actually mean more like it TASTES SO GROSS.
And don’t even TELL me that mochas are the gateway drug to coffee! You know what mochas really are? Corrupted hot chocolate. I feel the same way about mochas that I feel about most alcoholic beverages, namely, that someone has ruined my delicious hot chocolate/fruit drink with bitter coffee/alcohol. (Those of you who know me have heard this approximately 12,000 times.)
Yes, I have the tastes of a twelve-year old. This was pointed out to me in college, and happens to be scarily accurate. Today my dinner consisted of Goldfish crackers.
What I don’t understand is: How did we get to the point where SO MANY people drink something so bitter and like it? I mean, I am genuinely impressed by those of you who didn’t originally like coffee but slogged through countless cups anyway, forcing your taste buds to mature past age 12. (Mine are stuck in continual pre-teen angst.) My need to stay awake has just never been strong enough to outweigh my disgust. I WISH I was cool enough to like coffee. Sometimes I get hot chocolate in a take-away cup just so I can pretend it’s coffee and feel cool and adult. This is my 25-year-old version of playing dress-up.
I should also note that the view and commentaries expressed on this blog do not represent the opinions of The Beautiful Place, Inc.: Anna and Mary are, to be clear, coffee junkies.
But if Alexis Bledel doesn’t even like coffee, then I certainly shouldn’t have to. I’m still waiting for some sort of coffee to taste good - cappuccinos come close, I’ll say that. Until then, I’ll probably just start using coffee thermoses (thermi?) to hold water, so I can look cool AND not want to immediately spit out the contents. #winning