Hello all -
Last week I wrote a blog criticising this article about adoption. I think it came across as more harsh than I intended. The author of that article, Brandy Lee, was gracious enough to thoughtfully respond in a comment, so I wanted to clarify some points.
First of all, let me just say that I so appreciate the author’s vulnerability in admitting her sin struggles in dealing with adoption. Vulnerability is so rare and so needed. And, as I said in my original post, it is very true that tough life circumstances often show us our sin in unexpected ways, and in those moments the gospel can be more beautiful than ever.
When I originally read her story, though, my gut reaction was fear. I have my own complicated adoption experience, and it was very difficult. Few people understood the psychological and behavioral problems of my siblings, and how they were wreaking havoc on my family. A lot of people judged my parents harshly, and it was easy for my parents to blame themselves for a situation that was far beyond their control.
Reading Lee’s story made me very nervous for other families in very difficult adoptions. I didn’t want them to blame themselves and make an already intense situation worse. I think some of that fear got taken out unfairly on Lee’s article. My blog could have been been framed more graciously by accepting Lee’s story on her own terms, and then going on to write to parents with kids with severe issues, explaining that the author's experience is not everyone's experience, and how it's ok if it's not yours. It is also important for me to remember that Lee couldn’t address every adoption-related issue in one post.
So, to sum up: Lee is awesome for responding. I apologize for being overly critical, instead of adding an addendum of my own personal experience onto hers. And let’s keep learning/discussing together!