The other day I rearranged our living room furniture. While most people wouldn’t think twice about it, it’s a really big deal for me, because, I am obsessed with things being resolved and finished. Mixing up my seating arrangement meant that I redid something that I thought was done, and opened the door for me to to think of other possibilities that might lead me to make a change again. This goes against everything I believe in.
In fact, it’s so against the way my brain usually works that I never would have thought to move the furniture around if Dave hadn’t suggested it. I’m really, really glad he did, though, and that I actually followed through on it. Our living room is so much cozier, and I love it even more now.
It’s been an excellent reminder to me that shaking things up every now and then can be a really good thing. You’d think I’d know that, given all the major life changes I’ve recently made, but sometimes I forget that little changes and shake-ups can be very helpful, and, dare I say it, enjoyable, too.
It’s also been an encouraging sign that I’m getting better. I think part of the reason I don’t even think about other possibilities, and why I’m so obsessed with resolve, is that my depression and anxiety and the perfectionistic thought processes that contribute to them have left me incredibly drained. There’s not much energy left to imagine new possibilities when you’re just trying to make it through the day, and even if I did think of something, I’d usually just get overwhelmed by it. Going even further, one of the things depression does is tell you that things won’t change, and that you’ll feel this way forever. Changes feel like an impossible luxury. Now, though, I’ve been feeling much less weary, and I have the mental space to actually break from the routine and believe that I can actually handle it.
What smaller changes have you been making recently?